You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize