My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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