My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize