Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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