PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
