Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
