I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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