Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
