there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't deserve a penis
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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