Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does one acquire holy water?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
