Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
