literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
