she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
