i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
