At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
