I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
