my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i came on her dog
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
