I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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