I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
