I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
