yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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