She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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