New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize