one might say we're banned from that church
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I AM VODKA MAN
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
