Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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