I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
