she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
