the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize