ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
