I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
