He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
