yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
