Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
