i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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