my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
