Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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