His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
me + whiskey = a bad person
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize