see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
