I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
