there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
