I hate your face
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you had me at cake vodka
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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