My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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