If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
