I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
