You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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