Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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