after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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