Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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