And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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