i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
