so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
