From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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