tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
