i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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