Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
