Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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