I puked a lego.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
