Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This baby is an asshole
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
