she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
