did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
