Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
