omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
