just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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