Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
