You can't special order awesome
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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