He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
