Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
