Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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